Ann Gaddis, Fan-Blade Aligner
"Oh, no. All of our high-paying jobs differentiating between parallelograms and rhombuses are sure to go to the Chinese."
Responding to mounting concerns about districts micromanaging students' diets and pushing a "liberal" vegetarian agenda with so-called "meatless Monday" lunch menus (see Lou Dobbs segment below), Education Secretary Arne Duncan announced today that he had named Betsy McCaughey, among the first to warn about the death panels contained in various health care proposals, as "school lunch czar" in charge of making sure that there is no ideological meddling in local school lunch decisions. Richard Heene, father of the balloon boy, will be handling media.
Writers from the staff of The Colbert Report have contacted me asking for help with tonight's interview with Education Secretary, Arne Duncan. They need questions and jokes for Colbert to ask. I've only got a couple. Can you help out?
-What does it say that Kevin Jennings is being bullied by those mean Republicans, and no one seems to be able to stop them? Your safe schools czar isn't safe.
-You and Attorney General -- both extremely tall gentlemen -- are going to Chicago this week to talk about youth violence. What're you going to do, play two on two against the gang leaders to see who gets to control the streets?
-Speaking of which: If I play you in a game of "horse" and I win, does that mean that I'll be in charge of the schools?
-You've called No Child Left Behind "toxic" and said it needs changing -- can I take that to mean that some children should be left behind? If so, I have some kids I'd like to nominate.
Late Monday night, Obama administration officials were forced to admit what many already knew: education secretary Arne Duncan and HHS secretary Kathleen Sebelius have both contracted the H1N1 virus (otherwise known as "swine flu").
Ironically, the disease was likely transmitted at the pictured press event, held to highlight swine flu prevention efforts for the upcoming school year. (CDC prevention head Thomas Friedan was not infected.)
Though the situation is considered extremely embarrassing to the administration, Duncan and Sebelius are not the first public figures to be affected by the highly contagious virus. Presidents of Costa Rica and Columbia, among others, have already picked up the disease. No word yet on how this will affect the week's scheduled events.
WED EDIT: This is obviously fake, as most of you understood immediately or soon thereafter. It is filed under the category "Made Up News." There are no wire reports of this. Sorry for any momentary alarm that may have been caused.
Scandal erupted over the weekend when a group of anonymous bloggers sent evidence purporting to show that some TFA teachers may not in fact be American citizens to the US Department of Education, five of the nation's largest school districts, and a number of different media outlets.
The military's not just recruiting in regular high schools anymore, a la NCLB. They're now increasingly helping start and run schools with military themes (Military-backed public schools on the rise despite protests USA Today). What no one knows, however, is that it's a secret provision in the Race to the Top fund.
From Slate's Daily Cartoons.
In response to a FOIA request by ProPublica.org, the US Department Of Education has now released a list of state and local issues that Education Secretary Arne Duncan has weighed in on during the past six months (in addition to state charter caps and mayoral control).
They include:
- Raising the driving age in Ohio (against)
- Block scheduling at Harper High School (for)
- Adding five days to the CT minimum school year (for)
- Proposition P in Oregon (against)
- Split lunch at Patterson Elementary next year (for)
- Changing boys' soccer from fall to spring in Missouri's Imperial League (against)
- Changing monthly board meeting locations for Chattanooga public schools to the Denny's on Dalton Boulevard (against)
Education Is Our Passport To The Something Or Other
"Education
is the single most important issue of today. More important than... you
know, all the other issues combined."
Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change'
"Today, Americans face a great many challenges, and I hear your
desperate calls for barely measurable and largely symbolic improvements
in the status quo," said Obama.
Parents Legally Change 9-Year-Old's Name To Better Reflect Current Pop Culture
"Britney just seems a little bit old-fashioned is all," mother Heather
Patterson said. "We want our little girl to have all the advantages a
name like Miley, or maybe Hannah, would give her."
Word is trickling out from Miami that a handful of rebellious edupreneurs at this year's Gathering Of Leaders have approached SEIU about possible unionization.
High turnover, uncertainty over performance evaluation, and unnecessary scheduling of meetings are among the reasons cited for considering the move.
New Profit's annual invite-only retreat (NSVF meets Six Sigma) has operated up until this point outside of any collective bargaining agreement.
Here's the report (PDF) from last year's conference.
Pictured: Illinois Governor Blagojevich seen in an undated picture asking elementary school students how much they (or their families) can pay to keep their spots at the extremely popular Nettlehorst Elementary School in Chicago.
“I’ve got this thing and it’s bleeping golden," Blagojevich was overheard telling the children about their spots in the next grade. "I’m just not giving it up for bleeping nothing."
In light of EdWeek's prolonged problems providing site access for print subscribers (aka, "Premium Access"), Editorial Projects in Education, which owns EdWeek, has asked me to use allow them to use this space to provide readers with a place to describe whatever problems they are having accessing the site.
Please detail whatever issues or concerns you've been having in the comments section below. This might include passwords that don't work, claim codes that are "already" claimed, customer support that hangs up on you or tells you that you are not in the system or that they are going through a "transition" of vendors and to call back in a few days. A representative from EPE will get back to you as soon as possible.
On behalf of EPE, and EdWeek, I'd like to express my empathy for any of you who have had problems over recent weeks and months.
Hah! The first page of the long-rumored recommendations memo from the Reformy Democrats* has finally surfaced.
You read it here first.
I'm still looking for the rest of the memo. In the meantime, click to enlarge.
*Not to be confused with Democrats For Education Reform.
No, she did nothing of the sort. Just seeing if you were paying attention. She just gave a speech (pdf) at the National Press Club, and Bloomberg was there.
No endorsements or non-endorsements were given. Hard to imagine that she is the one blocking a Klein appointment if Bloomberg was there, though. Unless Bloomberg was thanking her for keeping Klein in NYC.
Think that the debates or some baseball game are tonight's TV highlights? Think again. Tonight is the premier of David Alan Grier's new Comedy Central show, Chocolate News, which includes a sketch about a rapper hired to write public service announcements for NCLB. This doesn't go well when the PSAs end up being quite a bit more bootylicious than intended. I give it two snaps -- and a swirl.
UPDATE: Actually, it wasn't that good at all. More crude than funny. Hated it!
This has gone on too long.
For months now, I've been letting friends know that, in reality, I am Eduwonkette. The time has finally come to step forward and reveal it to the world. Yes, it's true. Eduwonkette is an elaborate hoax, an alternate blogging identity created to let me focus on New York City schools and my love of statistics, as well as to help bolster the web traffic at EdWeek.org and live out my love of women's clothing (if only online). Close observers had already figured this all out from our shared sense of humor, love of silly graphics, and pleasure at deflating bloggy know-it-alls (whomever they might be). But I'm sick of being asked if I happen to know who "she" is by people with funny smiles on their faces. I could tell they suspected, and it was making me really paranoid. And I'm overcome with guilt at having deceived New York Sun reporter Elizabeth Green about my identity when she started emailing me for this story. She's me. I'm her. We're different versions of the same thing, sort of like Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. Now you know. Now, on to more important things.
News reports suggest that last week's announcement that the National Charter Schools Conference celebrity figurehead was supermodel Petra Nemcova has created a scramble to secure celebrity representatives among various education groups, organizations, and causes.
Some of the rumored matchups are as follows: Title I Comparability (Justin Timberlake), Class size reduction (Angelina Jolie), National Standards (Scarlett Johannson), Merit Pay (David Beckham), NCLB Rollback (Robert Downey, Jr.), Homeschooling (Will Smith), Universal preschool (David Letterman).
Not to be outdone, several education groups are also pursuing celebrity endorsements: Gates Foundation (Sarah Jessica Parker), Reading First (Tiger Woods), Teach For America (Shia Labeouf), EDINO8 (Tom Cruise), and KIPP (Jon Stewart),
If there are any I've missed or that could be improved upon (depending on availability), feel free to weigh in.
It turns out after all that the principal of Gloucester High School in MA was just following the lead of the San Diego educators who recently told high school students that their friends had died in drunk driving accidents (School Uses Fake Drunk Driving Tragedy to Scare Students). So the principal made up the whole pregnancy pact thing to warn students against the dangers of teen pregnancy and premarital sex. Indeed, there may not have been any pregnant teens. But then the media got ahold of the story and -- neglecting to interview the students involved -- fell for it harder than the kids did, and the principal temporarily forgot that he made up the story in the first place (Mass. school official casts doubt on 'pregnancy pact').
UPDATE: Mayor Says NCLB To Blame For Gloucester Pregnancies Swift Charlie
Last week's publication of the former White House press secretary's tell-all book about his time with the Bush administration was dominated by allegations that White House officials misled the nation about the war in Iraq and the Valerie Plame CIA incident. Little noticed was a passage in the final chapter in which McClellan confesses that he "never had any idea" what phrase "the soft bigotry of low expectations" meant, even though he repeated it from the podium hundreds of times.
There are several preposterous theories (LA Times) about what Barack Obama was doing when he scratched his face last week (left).
But I don't think Obama was flipping Hillary Clinton off. I think he was sending a subtle but clear message to the UFT and NEA for not endorsing him despite all his NCLB-bashing.
A little help from the teachers unions in Pennsylvania and I would have this thing wrapped up by now, is what he seems to be saying.
Thinking about going back and getting that MA, or even an Phd? This might be for you:
"After decades of only offering ruled notebook paper suitable for college-level education and below, school-supply giant Mead introduced its new grad-school-ruled notebook Monday, which features lines twice as close as those for college," states this news report (Mead Releases New Grad-School-Ruled Notebook). "The notebooks are currently available in several special grad-school-edition colors, including alabaster, saffron, vermilion, and, for girl graduate students, periwinkle."
"These kids need someone on
their side. They need a powerful force to set them on the right
trajectory and keep them out of prison, or worse, the morgue. They need
pole-vaulting."
According to her MySpace page, Ashley Alexander Dupre has a fascinating education and work background. Homeschooled through 8th grade, she went to an IB-focused charter high school and joined TFA when she was just out of college. She was interning in Roland Fryer's academic incentives shop until the end of last week. Fryer could not be reached for comment.
No, he didn't (far as I know). But wouldn't it be funny -- and a great relief to folks who hate vouchers but want to support Obama -- if some of the lines that have been lifted from MA Gov. Deval Patrick were those ones about Obama being open to vouchers and supportive of charters? Then Obama's progressive supporters could heave a sigh of relief -- but their candidate probably wouldn't be as appealing to independents and moderates.
Inspired by DC Mayor Fenty's surprise appointment of school reformer Michelle Rhee to head the District school system on Tuesday, elected officials across the nation have scrambled to announce their own hires from outside of traditional education circles: In New York City, Mayor Bloomberg on Tuesday evening fired Joel Klein and hired Teach For America Founder Wendy Kopp, despite the absence of any previous district experience. "She's been running the system for the past 10 years anyway," said Bloomberg in announcing the change. "We might as well make it official." New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin announced his plan to fire incoming chief Paul Vallas before he even starts, to be replaced by New Leaders For New Schools co-founder Jonathon Schnur. "I met him at a party and he seemed really smart," said Nagin. "Vallas is a nice guy, too, but I figure we should give this new generation of reformers a chance to show their stuff at running something."
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in This Week In Education are strictly those of the author and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Scholastic, Inc.
